When a 6 year old has pain.....

People close to the family know that one of my 6 year olds has been very sick.  Last February/March this child had what we thought was an allergic reaction to Ritalin.  They developed a "rash" that resembled welts.  The welts then turned into bruises.  They began to have protein in the urine.  We followed with the pediatrician checking her urine.  Finally over the summer saw nephrology.  By that time the urine was clear and we thought we were in the clear.  But every time we saw the pediatrician we had protein again.  Then in October this child woke in the middle of the night screaming in pain.  She couldn't or wouldn't walk or stand.  The legs were mottled, eyes red, and low grade fever.  My child was asking to go to the ER.  Took her to the ER and they couldn't figure it out.  This occurred several times during October.  We went to the movies on a Saturday afternoon and while watching the movie I heard a faint cry.  It kept getting louder.  Finally I picked up my little person and carried them to the lobby.   Off to the ER once again.  Finally, we figured out that they had mono at some point and the autoimmune markers were elevated.  So we were sent to Rheumatology at PCH.  At PCH we did more blood work and found that the ANCA was elevated.  So, the antineutrophil cytoplasmic antibodies (ANCA) is used to detected autoimmune markers.  Specifically it checks for things like Wegener's granulomatosis. 

Wegener's granulomatosis is a disorder that causes inflammation of the veins and arteries.  It typically occurs in middle aged adults not children.  But it can.  It can effect the kidneys (protein in the urine), lungs, and nasal passages.  Symptoms include body aches, fever, stuffy nose, protein in the urine, cough, ear infections, or red eyes.  In doing a little research I have found that some of the sites make it seem like little more than an inconvenience.  While other sites make it seem like doom and gloom.  Today we had a chest xray.  We are waiting for a call.  We started a cough about 5 days ago now and this morning we couldn't get out of bed.  Naproxen twice daily is helpful but now the legs are bruised significantly.

We are praying for a quick and speedy recovery once we get a definite diagnosis.  This has not been fun and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  Until tomorrow...

When you are backed into a corner....

There are many times when you feel backed into a corner.  When you feel like you have no choices.  When circumstances or people take your choice away from you.  During these times you may say and do things you later regret.  It doesn't mean that that wasn't how you felt or how you perceived the situation.  Just that you could pull your foot from your mouth or have a redo.  Unfortunately, there are times when that isn't possible. 

Tonight I can think of many of those situations.  So I turn it over to God.  I know that my God can do anything.  Ephesians 3:20 tells us "With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine".  So I will wait.  Until tomorrow....

Tough Love....

How do you define tough love?  Where is the line in the sand?   I have to admit that I have done a lot for all three of my grown children.  My oldest has moved home a couple of times.  I continue to pay for all of their cell phones and auto insurance.  The boys are still on our health insurance.  But I find that it is never enough.  We are currently strongly encouraging our oldest to get a place of her own.  I was asked tonight for "a little bit of help".  When I explained that things were tight she seemed confused.  She asked me why.  I explained that we had just spent more than we planned to on Christmas and I needed to catch up on our bills.  Her comment to that was, "You didn't spend it on me".  Really?  I sit here wondering why I even try.  She makes it seem as though it is my choices that got her where she is.  It was I that caused her to live in an uncomfortable apartment.  Never mind that her brother is coming up and needs a place to stay for a month or two. 

As I try to draw the line in the sand I find that it keeps moving.   It is very difficult to tell your daughter that she will have to figure it out.  That she will be ok.  But she will.  Hopefully, she will grow from this.  It may take time.  I hope she knows that tough love is tough.  It is just as hard for me to tell her no as it is for her to hear it.  I hope that one day she will understand just how much we love her.  Until tomorrow.....

When life gets you down....

I know life is full of ups and downs.  Peaks and valleys.  I have been told that it is when you are in the valley that God teaches and instructs you so that you may enjoy the peaks.  What do you do when you feel like you have way more valleys than peaks?  When it seems that everything you touch is a disappointment.   When you are not sure which direction you should go.  What do you do?   For my children, when they are doing wrong, I give them time out.  So is it possible that my valley's are God's time out for me?  If so, I feel I must be a very bad child of God.  But, I will go with it. 

Scripturally God tells us, "I correct and punish those who I love.  So be eager to do right, and change your heart and lives." Revelation 3:19  I believe God allows things to happen to capture our attention or give us a time out.  To help us make better choices.  So when I feel God's time out, I shall ask for his forgiveness, ask him to show me the right way, and move forward with a grateful heart.  Until tomorrow...

Behind the Name

So what's behind the name?  More times than not I feel like I don't know where to go next, what task needs to be completed, or where life is taking us in general.  I feel like I am on an out of control roller coaster and no one is steering. 

Obviously Wadsworth is our last name.  Well most of us anyway.  I have one child that use to have another last name and I have one child who has my maiden name.  That is a whole other story in itself.  You get the idea.  It is all about us.  The Wadsworth clan.

Mayhem.  What thoughts do you think of when here the word mayhem?  I personally think of trouble.  I think of children being completely mischievous.  I also think of chaos and disaster.  Like the living room on Christmas morning when all 6 children are home, my mother, and my sister.  The definition of mayhem is violent or damaging disorder; chaos.  Chaos is defined as complete disorder and confusion.  Sounds pretty much like my thoughts on most days.  So how does one find peace and comfort amid all of this mayhem?  I'm not completely sure.  I do have a few things I do to help.

First is God.  I bought this devotional awhile back but last night was the first night I looked at it.  The first devotional is on "Quiet amid chaos".  Yes please.  I would love me some quiet.  The verse that goes with it is one my mother-in-law used frequently.  It is "Be still, and know that I am God;  I will be exalted among the nations.  I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10.  So amid all my mayhem God wants me, Dedra, to be still.  Well, for now, it will have to be just a few moments of my day (Goal 2).  Hopefully, as I grow, those moments will grow into something more.  I long to be still and yet the thought of being still is frightening.  I will learn to trust God in this endeavor.

Second is my husband.  Tim is my earthly rock.  He is the one who grounds me when I can not do it myself.  He has known me for 29+ years.  he willing embarked on this journey with me.

Third, is this new thing in my life.  They are called essential oils.  My favorites are peace and calming and lavender.  Cedarwood is right up there as well.  Everyday I am learning more and more about these wonderful, all natural, God given oils.  These are just the ones I use for my mayhem.  When my children are in this state of mayhem I use a mix of lavender, cedarwood, frankincense, and peppermint.  I apply it behind their ears, on their wrists, and if I am really desperate, to the bottom of their feet.

So that is a little behind the name and how I attempt to deal with it on a daily basis.  Don't get me wrong.  It isn't perfect.  I am human.  I do scream, get angry, and I have been known to say some ugly things.  I am still trying to find my calm within the chaos!  Until tomorrow.....

It is just a beginning

Today is 1/1/2015.  The start of a new year.  It is a time for new beginnings and goal setting.  I am embarking on this journey of blogging more as a therapeutic endeavor.  As a place to reflect, share, contemplate, vent, and praise.  A place to share my successes and failures.  The things I love to do and the things I do because they are required.  This initial blog meets one of my first goals of 2015.  Over the next few days I will share the rest of my goals and the reason behind them.  Until tomorrow...